i guess this week is as good as any to start doing what im supposed to do. which includes studying for this gre-psych test which is in less than 3 weeks and ive done about nothing. also includes doing some sort of thing that promotes fitness, such as running once every couple days, which i havent done since january. and includes doing other things to generally promote my health and well-being, such as scheduling myself some needed check-ups. well, as anything with me, we'll have to see...

so today i just started at the new job. didnt do much job-related stuff, mostly generic orientation presentations, videos, etc. but it did feel good just to be somewhere different. they actually provided a continental breakfast which was a nice surprise, and also they gave us a voucher for a free lunch at the cafeteria. i feel like thats already more perks than i got at my old job haha.

speaking of the old job, friday (my last day there) was a great day but also sad on a couple levels. first, i didn't really realize till then how much i was appreciated by the people there. they threw me a small going-away celebration complete with a cake and all, which was definitely unexpected cause i just thought their only concern would be "oh no, he's leaving, who's going to do all his work?". of course, it wasn't even thrown by the upper management (a couple of co-workers got the whole thing organized) but it's nice to know that my work was appreciated by someone there and that some people were actually sad to see me leave. second, it was really depressing how many people told me some variation of "you're so lucky to get out of here" or "take me with you" or "let me know if you hear of any job openings at your place, heres my email" etc etc. it really shows just how bad people at my level were treated, and how overworked everyone was. i always hated my job, as everyone knows, i guess i never realized that i wasn't the only one who hated it that much. it really speaks to the culture of the for-profit insurance workplace, where people at the lower levels are treated as if they are non-existent and easily replaceable. we become so overworked that people eventually just stop caring and feel no passion about the work they do. to have the life drained out of you that much is about the worst thing that can happen in the workplace, as i found out myself. well clearly, im just glad to get out of that hellhole and hopefully that'll be the last time i ever work in a corporate environment stuck in a stuffy cubicle all day. i got the feeling on my last day that i'll look back at this job and realize how much of a terrible work environment it was and wondering how i ever spent 10 months at the place.

im glad to be getting out there and doing something of real meaning. i know im in for a job that will be a lot more taxing and stressful but clearly just working for the man sitting in front of a computer all day just wasn't something for me. i gave it a shot, but now im looking forward to actually helping people and being back in an environment that isn't all about the bottom line.  the hospital feel, even though i won't be working there exactly, gave me a renewed feeling that i'm doing something that i want to do. being around all the nurses and other healthcare employees at the orientation kinda restored some of that life that had been drained out of me (not to be too over-dramatic lol). well anyway i'll update you later on this week with the rest of the first-week experience

someone wise once told me:

"make change happen for yourself, not for anyone else. it's all about finding your own peace. get to the point where you do things only because its what feels right inside, not because of some exterior force, not because you're trying to escape your problems, not because you're trying to follow what someone else says you should be doing. from here on out, make this about you. if that seems a little selfish, so be it, you've spent so much of your life not thinking about yourself."

i wish i'd listened to that advice. thats the sort of sage advice that unfortunately i can't find anymore.